Sunday, March 11, 2012

Life Update, I'm not sure how long this post is going to be depending on my motivation at the moment, but this is probably going to be a sloppy, rambly update on my life. 
Let's rewind time all the way to the very beginning of February when my boyfriend broke up with me. You guys know as much as I do as to why it happened exactly...I don't even know for sure why. Everything seemed fine to me, and it came out of nowhere. We were together for over a year. It's been heartbreaking, and I have to try and get through every single day like life is a freakin' marathon, but things are getting much better (which I'll get into in a bit). A lot of crazy things have happened in between this past month since we've broken up that haven't been that great, but to say the least, there is not a single chance we will be getting back together. His number is blocked from my phone, and we don't live in the same town so I never run into him which is nice. It really, really sucks because I love him with all of my little 17 year old heart, but I hope it's for the best. My mind just won't stop thinking about him & all of the great times in our relationship which is stupid, because I know I should hate him by now...but I don't. I reactivated my facebook after our break up to get some desperate social attention back in my life after not having one since September, and about two weeks ago some freshman from my ex's school made it a point to add me and message me telling me he has a girlfriend...and has had one for quite some time. Of course, this only made everything 100% worse for me since I'm still totally in love with the kid and he's out there with some other girl...whether it's his way of getting over me or if he generally doesn't love me (which from what he's told me, he doesn't even LIKE me anymore) but it really hurt my heart. A lot of negative things came from me contacting him asking him about it and I still don't know what to believe, but it doesn't matter anymore. All I can do is keep my head up and keep on keepin' on.
In the process of all that happening, I decided the best thing for me to do was keep myself busy and try to get my mind off of him. So, I got my first job. I didn't REALLY want one, but I knew I needed one. I had applied to a couple places here and there and never got any calls back, but I decided to try this one out. I got a job cleaning a coffee shop after hours about thirty minutes away from home. I've recently (as in today lol) been "promoted" to a barista in training! Since I'm on Spring Break this week, I'm getting trained. I made a couple drinks today and I really enjoy it. It's kinda scary, because I have extremely bad anxiety (I'm still surprised I even grew the courage to get a job) and I'm completely frightened of people, but I'm hoping this will challenge me and help me get over it. I'm actually really proud of myself for how I'm doing. I don't think anyone else notices how well I'm doing with all of this happening, but I'm coming to terms that the only person that really needs to be proud of myself is me :)
I graduate in exactly 75 days which is scary as balls too. I'm moving an hour and a half away from home and I know it's going to be really depressing to leave my dad and my home-town, but I'm so ready for change. I'm still not sure what I'm going to be majoring in but hopefully I'll figure that out someday! 
I also want to start blogging more. Whether it's about random stuff, candles, beauty products, my life...I want to do it more. I enjoy writing & reading, so why not? Don't hold me to it, but I'm really going to try. 
If you made it this far...give yourself a high five! I'm done :) Thank you so much for reading.
Here's a picture of my face.

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